Putin Hires Boyz II Men To Increase Russian Birth-Rates–No, Really!


The marks of a dictatorship are many, but the most peculiar of all is a dictators’ penchant for grand gestures; keeping them relevant and relatable in the public eye. Every dictator has his parades; his public rebukes; his state owned media, and now–in a move straight out of the handbook–his…Boyz II Men fertility day?

Wannabe dictator Vladimir Putin, of the grand old Russia, has invited 90’s R&B trio Boyz II Men to perform in his country in an effort to promote the fertility of his people. In recent years, the birth rate in Russia has been in severe decline, prompting Putin to run some outlandish schemes, including a national “Conception Day” in one of Russia’s provinces. This day was supposed to give Russian men and women the oh so necessary time to copulate, so that Russia could remain strong. Women who gave birth on this national holiday could win refrigerators and other prizes.

Another method by which Putin has tried to promote larger families was to give cash to women who had more than one child. Apparently, these incentives weren’t quite enough to satisfy Putin, because now, in the run-up to Valentine’s Day, Putin is pinning his hopes on the smooth rhythms of Boyz II Men to get things going.

Perhaps it’s because of a misleading American influence that Putin believes R&B the solution to their woes. However, to the surprise of many, Putin’s crazy schemes appear to be working. Russian birth rates are up in 2012.

Maybe Putin’s constant shirtless stunts are the workings of a genius. Well, at least Boyz II Men is getting some work.

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